iLoveYou!
by PowerShipper
Summary: Sam has had a terrible upbringing and Carly has made her forget about those feelings. However, when the truth about her childhood surfaces in her life again, can Carly be there for Sam? Or is Sam just not worth the baggage anymore... CAM! Sam POV (Could change if requested)
1. The Calm Before The Storm

Hey Guys, this is the first in what I expect to be a long series so strap in! You will be subject to a lot of bumps and turns and let me know on ANY ideas you want me to change/keep through this. It is through Sams POV but if you want me to take a crack at anyone elses don't hesitate to ask, Review and follow if you want more because I'll be replying to most of them plus the more reviews you guys give this series the quicker I will be motivated to put the next instalment out. Anyway I hope you have fun and this is also my first story so don't be afraid to be abit mean I can take criticism! without further ado, I give you... ILoveYou! (PLUS I don't own ICarly and if I did they DEFINATLY wouldn't allow that shit on Kids T.V)

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I guess if you asked everyone in Ridgeway Junior High who I was you'd probably get one of three different answers.

First would be the teachers, who would tell you a load of crap about so much potential and how if I put my mind to it I could be a good student instead of the vulgar, ham fisted little asshole I am right now. And they are defiantly right.

The second answer you'd get would be from the kids, including Fred-dork, who would say I'm one of the scariest kids at school, and if you get in my way (which isn't that hard) then I could make your life a living nightmare with torments coming both physically and mentally, or whichever I know will cause the most pain. Again, like with what the teachers say about me I know they're right too.

But then there's the third answer, the answer that only one student in the whole entire school could say and absolutely mean it. If you asked her who Sam Puckett was she'd say with a huge smile on her face, 'Sam is the best friend anyone could ask for.' Carly Shay. The only person in the world I would put above myself in any situation yet I can't help but feel like what she thinks about me is pure bullshit. Like seriously, all I ever do is steal her food, hide from my abusive mom at her place nearly every night and make fun of her stupid geeky friends. I mean, that's not a friendship that's me taking everything and her just giving. I mean sure, I beat up on the odd kid who looks at her funny and if she said the word I'd wail on anyone without giving it a second thought (which she has only asked me to do once to a bitch named Jocelyn), surely she could do better than me though?

This isn't the first time these thoughts have kept me awake and I sure as hell know this is the last, but thinking about this stuff helps.

Turning over again in my bed I look at the cracked clock on my 'nightstand' (a cardboard box), the time reveals I've been thinking about this for just over an hour. Shaking my head, I try and block out all the thoughts in my head, but I can't. It's like my own body won't let me rest until I admit how I feel, so with a deep breath I say the words I've been dreading to admit for all these years, "I love you Carly Shay…"

Instantly my tense body relaxes, and it couldn't have been more than a minute before I was fast asleep, a smile on my face as I imagined holding Carly, giggling together over crappy T.V while she stares at me the way they do in the Disney movies, you know when the prince looks at the princess and you just know he loves her… god knows I already look at her that way… no matter how hard I try to hide it.

The next day drags out, whenever I go to school it's just so predictable that I swear to god if I didn't torment Gibby I might have gone insane. It's gotten a little weird lately though, one day I came in late since my mom didn't bother to get me up (Hence the reason I had to steal that old alarm clock that's in my room) so he came looking for ME. He says it's because he was scared I would just hurt him double tomorrow but I'm pretty sure he gets some kinda sick thrill from it, so I let him off easy and just put twice as much effort into mentally torturing Freddie.

It's not as much fun as it used to be though, since I told the world about Freddie never kissing anyone Carly has been on my ass about bulling him too much. So it isn't at all surprising when I get to Carlys after Detention finishes up to see the king of nerd himself hiding behind her. I sigh, flicking my bag across the floor and jumping into the empty space besides Carly on her couch, making Freddie retreat further away from me, the other side of her.

"Hey Sam, how was detention?" Carly smiles at me as I put my legs up over her. I swear to god her smile is just the best, and as a result I now trying to stop myself from doing the same.

"Eh… Pretty crappy." As quickly as it came her smile disappears, and I know I've fell into one of her guilt traps before she even gets a chance to speak.

"Oh well maybe you should stop swapping out the football teams vitamins for Viagra!"

I start giggling at the memory of the whole football team getting hard ons at kick off, no matter how mad Carly was mad at me I knew she thought it was funny too. Right as Carly finishes talking Spence makes his way from downstairs, on his phone as he makes his way to the kitchen and grabbing a slice of baloney

"HAHA! Sam, you did that? That is totally…" Carly gives the glare to Spencer, making him quickly lower his eyes and make his way out of the room as he swallows his baloney whole, "Irresponsible and totally not hilarious in any way…" He can't contain his laughter though and gives me a fist bump on the way to his room, which makes me smile.

I don't know what it is about Spence, but I feel more comfortable around him than any of my family. My mom is a psycho bitch who never does anything but sleep with guys, my sister is the only thing she cares about and I swear to god if I hadn't had my Uncle Carmine and Cousin Chaz…. I don't even want to think about what could have happened to me.

"Hello, earth to Sam?!" I snap back from my thoughts and see Carly looking still as pissed as she did a minute ago and Freddie now sat next to her watching T.V. clearly I was supposed to respond but I've learnt from experience that just saying yes without realising can get you into a lot of trouble. It did get me a pony once, speaking of which I wonder how Gaga is doing these days…

"Oh my god you aren't even listening to me when I'm shouting at you for not listening to me!"

This makes Fred-dork laugh, so I reach out with my foot and kick him in the ribs, "OW! Carly did you just see that?"

I roll my eyes and apparently, Carly isn't in the mood for Freddies attention seeking crap today either," Oh come on we both know Sam could've hurt you a lot worse. And as for YOU Sam you need to learn to control yourself. One of these days they are actually going to actually get proof and I won't move schools just because you get suspended!"

Her voice is stern, well, it's stern for Carly at least, and I know her too well for her to be mad at me for too long, "Yes you would cupcake…"

Her voice goes soft again, "Yeah I would… "she drops her body weigh onto me for a hug and I know I've got her, "But I wouldn't be happy about it!" I laugh to myself and Carly smiles. Benson however looks unimpressed as he looks at his watch.

"Oh guys, we need to start getting ready the show starts in fifteen minutes."

Trust Benson to spoil my hugging time with Carly, I need to make a mental note to get back at him for this, but for now, we have a show to do…

"Ok so I guess that proves it…" Carly begins.

"You CAN start a fire with pee… as long as you have some lighter fluid in there too!"

"WEE OOO WEE OOO WEE OOO" Me and Carly are giggling as Spencer makes the noise of a fire truck, complete with a siren hat over the now slightly large fire burning in the corner of the room that Saco and Spence cornered off before the show. He quickly extinguishes the fire and the camera turns to him, "Remember guys, do not try this at home I am a trained…. I'm trained in A profession so just… OO I smell cookies… Oh no they smelt burnt… and my foot is hurti… OH GOD MY FOOT IS ON FIRE!"

He continues hopping around the room, nearly setting multiple things on fire until I take the extinguisher and try to put it out, the damn thing was empty though so I just gave up and beat the fire on his legs with the extinguishers, which made Carly and Freddie double over in laughter, and Spencer fall over with pain, still making his fire truck noise in between his painful sounding sobs.

Out of breath grab the camera from where the dweeb had dropped it from laughing so hard and put it on myself, "That… that was Icarly…. If they let us do it again… we'll see you next time."

And with that Freddie gets up and ends the show, while Carly makes her way to see if Spencer is ok…

It takes about an hour but eventually we get to our post-show ritual of drinking Peppy cola, me and Carly in the car chair while Spencer, still nursing his foot, and Freddie search the site for comments. It isn't really a ritual now that I come to think about it, usually I'm just too lazy to go downstairs so I make Freddie do all the searching and read the none boring ones to me and carls, then Spencer always brings us Peppy colas and joins in… not that I'm complaining in any way. We usually get a lot of comments, mostly because we say the most liked comment after an hour we either read out on the show or if it could be a segment we actually put it in the show… which is where the pee on fire came from.

"Oh here's one… 'Dear ICarly, I loved tonight's show, I nearly peed my pants when Spencer thought his foot on fire smelt like cookies! I have no idea how you come up with this stuff, and I've always wondered, what happens if you drink nothing but Peppy cola for a week? Love, Kandice."

My ears perk up, a smile widening on my face when I hear what Spence says, "That's the most liked comment?"

He looks at the laptop again, "As far as I can see yeah."

"Ok, I'm putting myself forward for this one!"

I put my feet up, drinking nothing but Peppy cola for a segment? I don't think I've ever had anything easier to do for ICarly since we first started it!

"How many does that have spence?" Ugh… even just his voice annoys me…

"12,567."

"Nah, this one got you beat… by a long way actually, 50,345."

Me and Carly jump forward, that was nearly half the people who watched us live in the Mid-week episode (Time zones means we get most our views from our mid-week episode from people watching later)! "Holy crap what was the comment?"

"Dear ICarly, Great episode and I think I speak for everyone when I say that that has to be one of the funniest episodes yet! Recently you did a couple episodes where you said Sam and Freddie had never kissed anyone and that got me thinking, why don't you have a live truth or dare with the audience? Love Harley."

"Well, I mean, that's more than we have ever gotten from a comment after just an hour… I guess this Saturdays I carly is a Truth or Dare special!" Carly says sceptically.

Looking around the room none of the four of us looked exactly happy, I however was pissed, going from Peppy cola drinking to Letting my fucking secrets out to the internet… I needed a smoke.


	2. An Ugly Secret

Hey guys I just wanted to say I loved the feedback I got from the last Chapter and since I had this one lying around gathering dust I thought I might as well just post it now :) Again leave a review because this is my first story and could use the help/motivation to write better stuff in the future. But for now... Enjoy!

(OH, and again, I don't own iCarly... yet...)

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Stepping outside I felt the cool air of Seattle calm my nerves, taking out a cigarette and my lighter I breathe in and let it control my lungs, filling me with a warmth that was beckoning, just like every other time the stress in my life becomes just too much. Smoking is the only way I know how to cope, because at the end of the day I don't give two craps about what anyone else things; sitting here right now, with a cigarette and the view of the city right there, like it's my own personal show… there are few things that take the edge of quite like this.

"Hey… I thought I'd find you up here."

Her voice is angelic, so much so I can't help but let a smile slip out when I hear her. I wrap my brain for a moment but realise there's nothing I can say to her right now, so I just take another drag and lean over slightly, making room in between my legs for her to take a seat. She does so, and I immediately stub out my cigarette since Carly detests the 'cancer sticks' as she calls them. Her body weight leans into me, making me instinctively wrap my arms around her, and she covers my hands with hers. It takes all my strength but I somehow resist the urge to lean down and gently kiss her cheek, or whisper how much I adored her into her ear. God, Carly Shay… you drive me insane.

We lie there like that for a few blissful minutes. Despite the rapidly dropping temperatures the position we found ourselves in was more than comfortable enough to keep us both cosy and warm, so much so I catch myself from drifting asleep a few times, but that could be the fact I haven't had much sleep recently finally coming back to bite me. I could have lied there forever, eventually though it's Carly who breaks the silence,

"Sam… none of us are thrilled about having to do that truth or dare thing, but the way you stormed out… there's got to be something else going on." When she speaks she budges backwards, letting herself get wrapped deeper in my embrace. I should have known she'd see right through my charade.

Taking a deep breath, I try to speak… but I can't… the words don't come out and instead tears stream from my eyes. Carly notices instantly and recoils, turning and sitting up, taking my hand in hers so she can sit on my thighs, staring straight into my eyes… it's all too much.

I have no idea what's wrong with me, lowering my head, I do my best to hide my shame but I fail miserably. I sit there and I sob, despite not wanting Carly to see past my hard-outer shell, it's useless… I can't keep anything from her. She wraps her arms around me and I mercifully dig my face into her shoulder to absorb my tears. I'm overflowing with emotion and I can't bring myself to stop, my muffled cries are all that can be heard as Carly holds me, patiently waiting for me to get myself together. For fucks sake, I love this girl so much.

I absolutely hate anyone seeing me in such a mess like I am now, especially her. Whether she knew how I felt or not I had no idea, but all I do know is that I'm so thankful to Carly for being here, I need to tell her the truth. Not about my true feelings for her… but what's going on in my life. After being here for me it's what she deserves. Bringing my head up, I take another deep breath while Carly, now looking more than just slightly worried sits quietly in anticipation for what I'm about to reveal,

"It… It's everything Carls, from the moment I wake up in the morning to when I go to sleep at night I can't have one moment by myself and feel normal. M…most days I wake up and my Mom isn't even home, and when she is there, usually some guy is with her trying to get his fucking hands all over me… and what does my mom do?" I sit up further, rage filling my body as I remember every time a random sleaze ball gropes or grabs me.

Carly can sense my filling rage, "Sam look… maybe we should talk about this late…"

But it's no use. I'm too far gone to be calmed down, and before I'm even aware what's happening I'm stood up, shouting at the top of my voice while Carly sits there, looking frightened but staying quiet,

"Fucking nothing! Every time they made a pass at me, or bust the door down while I'm taking a shower she sits there and smiles like it's all part of some stupid fucking game! If it wasn't for Cousin Chazz and Uncle Carmine looking after me when I was a kid there's not a doubt in my mind I would have been molested, used, and left for fucking dead while she would have just sat there with her fucking glass of wine and dumb ass smile on her face… What if they ask me about any of that? What if they ask me on the show, 'what I spent my childhood years doing?' and the real answer is hiding from the one person that should've been protecting me! Or better yet, what if they ask about my favourite family members, and the truth is that my favourite uncle and cousin where the ones that stopped me from being raped by beating the guys that tried anything to a bloody fucking pulp right in front of little 6-year-old me? HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO SIT THERE AND LIE ABOUT MY LIFE WHEN INSIDE THE TRUTH IS FUCKING KILLING ME!"

The tears are back, my outburst led me out of breath and with my hands trembling I don't know what else to do but take out another cigarette and turn away from Carly, she has seen me cry enough for one day and I don't think I could stand to see the look of disgust that must be on her face. Huh, I bet she can't believe it, Sam the big and brave is a lost little girl hiding behind a fucking bravado… she must thing I'm pathetic… like everyone else already does.

Trying to pull myself together, I take a drag and turn to face Carly. To be completely honest I'm surprised she was even still here after my outburst, and hadn't thought about what to say next. Her straight face was hard to read, and for a minute I think she is about to start crying too. It makes me want to go over and her but before I get the chance she finally breaks the silence,

"Sam… why have you never told me any of this before." She looks hurt, mostly though she just looks at me like I'm a victim, the one thing I never wanted anyone to think of me as. Taking another long drag, I look to the floor, her eyes making me feel weak,

"Because I was afraid you would look at me like you are right now… as a victim instead of just Sam."

I feel the waterworks begin again but instead of letting them out again I hold them back, throwing my cigarette over the side of the building and running inside, I hear Carly shout for me to stop but there is no way in hell I'm going to make myself seem more of an idiot. I need to keep what little respect she still has for me left and call her later or something… Fuck it, I'm just going to wing it. What I do know is, that right now, no matter where I go or what I do it will feel less uncomfortable than having Carly look at me like that for another minute.

When I reach the lobby, I hear Lewburts screams but ignore them and sprint out of the building, as fast as I can. I run past all the street vendors, all the tourists and all the people on their commute from work, blocks and blocks of people and I barge past everyone, all the way to my own apartment building. I run up the disgusting staircase and push my way into my apartment (which is only the size of Carlys first floor) and finally, into my room.

I crash backwords as soon as I shut my door, locking the bolts before curling into a ball at the foot of my bed. The scene from moments ago crashing into my mind while my deprived lungs gasp desperately for air. I remember the noise as Carly screamed after me, and the sound of hurt in her voice. Tears begin to fall down my already sodden cheeks. It's like I have no control over myself anymore, I need to get a grip!

Bellowing out an ear piercing scream I ball both my fists together and smack myself in the head, repetitively for losing the one normal thing in my life that I had. The one person I would put above myself without even a second thought. At this point I'm starting to think the teacher where the ones with the right opinion of me… I'm a fucking screw up, and only have myself to blame…

I glance to the clock and realise it's been over 30 minutes since I got home, ignoring both the physical and mental pain that has crept all over my body, I crawl into bed and hope that tomorrow... I'm less of a fucking idiot.

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REVIEW CORNER!

InvaderJohnny: Yeah she could have been drinking Peppy cola right night now... damn the internet is harsh :') What did you think of this chapter? Tried to go abit serious...

MotherOfCreek: Thankyou so much! I read some of your stuff and to know you liked the first chapter helps me out a lot :)


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